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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dog Days Deep Thoughts: God Must Love People Who Hate Poor People, He Made So Many of Them




I'm pretty slow on the uptake sometimes--no brag, just fact--but every so often, I do figure something out. For my entire adolescence, I was puzzled about why, out of all the bad political regimes in the world, the one that American politicians were most upset about was the Soviet Union, to the point that some of them supported unspeakably evil regimes in Latin America and South Africa on the basis of the argument that they, too, were really pissed at the Soviet Union. It wasn't until around the time of the original Red Dawn that I put it together that they thought that the Soviet Union wasn't just an evil regime far, far away but some kind of actual military threat bent on subverting, undermining, and ultimately toppling the United States. My only excuse for having taken so long to get that is that it wasn't often spelled out by people who assumed that everybody all knew that, and I showed up on the planet too late to have Joe Stalin or Nikita Kruschev scare the shit out of me.

The Soviet Union I grew up with was a crumbling wreck watched over by a succession of aging party hacks who clearly just wanted to hang onto their shabby privileges and manage to make it to the sweet relief of the grave while staying out of jail. The earliest glimpse I remember getting of what life was like over there was a TV news report in the mid-70s showing the gaping crowds at some kind of detente-era trade show staring in amazement at the refrigerator that didn't look as nice as the one in our kitchen. It was impossible to live in fear of such people unless you really worked at it, which a lot of people were prepared to do, which is why late-inning reports on the Soviet threat leaned heavy on the idea that everything anybody from the West ever saw from over there was part of a Potemkin-village illusion, a phony backdrop of poverty and misery and technological ass-backwardness, behind which a crack team of committed scientists had limitless resources and cutting-edge methods to use in their never-ending campaign to create an army of Dolph Lundgrens. Anyway, believe me when I say that I take no pride in having taken so long to understand that this silly shit was what I was supposed to think. Whether I would have thought it if I'd known sooner that I was supposed to think it is beside the point.

Anyway, a week or so back, I figured something out. I'd spent the past two and a half years confused by those intelligent reporters, such as David Weigel, who seemed protective of the Tea Party, and to take offense at the idea that it was a movement comprised of idiots. The problem I had was that I kept reading that the Tea Party is an 'anti-tax" movement, and I thought this meant that they thought that taxes were too high, and since they were formed during a year when the new president rode into town and made a point of giving everyone a break on their taxes, I thought that this added up to clear instance of some very loud idiots behaving idiotically, very loudly. Surely, I thought, nobody would seriously try to argue that anyone who reacts to having his taxes cut by having a running shit fit about taxes could be anything other than a complete and total fool, right? But now, thanks to Weigel, I know that I had it wrong. "When the Tea Party started rallying in 2009," he wrote last week, "it wasn't protesting higher taxes, because federal income taxes were lower, with more loopholes. It was protesting the perception that productive Americans were shelling out for an ever-expanding class of moochers. "

That makes sense--not that there's anything to the "perception", I mean, but I guess it's a less stupid thing to hang your hat on than what I thought they were upset about. In my very limited defense, I suppose I got it wrong because, again, the people I understood could have been clearer about what they meant. This time, though, I think that, just maybe, some of the people making the argument were a little vague about what they were upset about, because they figured that it might seem a little mean to just start calling other people moochers. In retrospect, though, it sure did slip through. The moment that's supposed to have kicked off the Tea Party movement--"teabagging", we called it, back in those innocent days--was, of course. a TV clown's frothing, apparently nerve-touching rage that some people he didn't know or care about were getting help from the government instead of simply losing their family homes, which they had bought at the urging of the government and its abetters. The town hall meetings that featured anti-health care outbursts left behind some memorable footage of people going from whining at the top of their lungs about how they couldn't afford to subsidize other people's medical bills to mocking other people who stepped up to talk about their own hardships by pretending to weep in their faces. They looked kind of mean.



A couple of years later, and everybody on that side of the aisle looks ready and willing to own their meanness, to the point that the most prominent Republican presidential candidates are openly expressing their scorn for a system that allows for the concept of people who don't have to pay income tax because they don't make enough money to have it to spare. Undisguised, unapologetic bitterness towards the working poor broke wide open nine years ago, in a Wall Street Journal editorial denouncing us "lucky duckies" who are too broke to chip in every April 15. There was a time when I could have described it as "an infamous Wall Street Journal editorial", but now the attitude is officially ingrained in our mainstream politics and embraced by plenty of people who think they're clear-eyed, straight-shooting mavericks. Working poor people are the new welfare queens, having been shoved into the hole that was left in hateful conservative discourse after Bill Clinton "ended welfare as we know it" and took away the Republican party's favorite post-Cold War punching bag. Somehow, our existence is supposed to be a blight that causes hardship and pain to the rich people who do so many truly productive things for this country, like ranting on Fox News, writing Wall Street Journal editorials, closing down plants and shipping jobs overseas, and holding press conferences to boast about all the dynamite stuff their investigators have come up with on the President's true nationality and mediocre performance at Harvard. This is the emotional trigger attached to the WSJ's deeper complaint, that poor people who aren't taxes enough will never come to share the rich people's insight that taxes are the work of the devil.

You may have noticed the self-inclusionary note there. I am a poor person, and have been one all my adult life. No doubt this claim would seem rich indeed to the gang at Fox News who, in a clip that I'll admit I'd have missed if it hadn't gotten a lot of play on Comedy Central's fake-news block, reported that many people who are classified as "poor" actually have refrigerators and running water and other impossible luxuries, including cars and computers. I confess that I have always had a refrigerator, on those occasions when I had a place to live. I have usually had a TV, too. I used to work hard to keep my phone bill paid, and, clearly, I have a computer. I have not always had a computer, because the sons of bitches break, but for the past decade, I've seldom been without a job that didn't absolutely require me to have a computer. That means that I have been known, during those periods when whatever second hand computer I owned had broken down and I was able to acquire a new second-hand one, to camp out at Kinko's or someplace where I could pay to use a computer, paying more than I would be paid for the job I was doing, so as not to get dropped by my employer. I'm not sure what the chortling empaths on Fox would have had me do--give up my computer and phone. and losing my jobs in the process, so that I'd better live up to their ideal of a genuine poor person? I never had a car, but I envy the people in my income bracket who managed to acquire one and who didn't have to be more careful about always having set aside enough money to cover the costs of public transportation to and from work. I imagine many people who own cars would have envied me for not having to set aside enough for gas, or for never having to worry that my lifeline to work would break down and saddle me with a massive repairs bill.

I hope it doesn't sound as if I'm whining. I don't think it's society's or anyone else's fault that I've always been poor, and I'm not calling for a massive round of government spending for the specific purpose of making my "DONATE" button ring like the bell at the top of a test-your-strength game at Coney Island. For me and, I'll bet, for a lot of people, it's just how it is. I'm not especially lazy, but I'm also not especially ambitious. I never took my chances trying to make a bundle on Wall Street or Silicon Valley. I got out of school, looked around, and started taking jobs to try to keep my rent paid. Because I have other interests that use up a lot of my brain power, I never knuckled down trying to reinvent the wheel or perfect the next big video game. I'd get a job, do my best at it, go home, and read. There are also certain personal qualities that have never helped me in the job market. I mean little things like shyness, and not being physically attractive--I'm sorry, but studies do show that it makes a difference when it comes to impressing prospective employers--and the fact that I don't come from what anyone would call a "good family", or graduate from a "good school", and I'm not well-plugged in. I've never gotten a job--never, not a single one--unless I knew someone there who could vouch for me and push for me, and I've just never known that many people.

Plus, for most of my life, I've been alone. It was during the '80s. under that great champion of the traditional nuclear family Ronald Reagan, that our society changed in a way that it quietly became conventional wisdom that you needed a two-income household to maintain a real living wage. In the last year, I've been living with someone, and this has made a phenomenal difference in my life, in a lot of ways that definitely includes my standard of material comfort and how stressed-out I am all the time from fear that I'll lose my electricity or go to bed hungry a certain number of nights a week or fall behind in my rent and end up on the street. But for most of my adult life I've been alone, and lonely, largely because most of us need to have money to initiate a romantic relationship, to ask someone out and demonstrate our potential worthiness as a mate, and I didn't have it. All this falls under the general heading, "How it is." It's no one person's fault, and I don't lose a lot of sleep over it.

What's unsettling about the recent barrage of sneering and angry attacks on people like me has been the discovery that there are so many people who do lose sleep over the way I've lived my life, because they see me as a moocher and a leech. I'm not on welfare or food stamps, and haven't been except for a few months in the mid-90s when I was between jobs for over a year, but they see me as a moocher because I'm, well, not rich and yet alive. Technically, I guess, I'm sticking my hand in there pocket every time I ride on publicly maintained roads or collect my mail or check out a book from a public library or, God help us all, use Amtrak. Of course, it's not as if I've never paid taxes. I have in fact paid income taxes many a year--it is in fact possible to make just enough money to be vulnerable to the tax bite and still be broke as a son of a bitch--but the main way that bite has been felt by me, year in and year out, has been in payroll taxes, the good-sized chunk of my paycheck that I may well never live to get my hands on. Payroll taxes are a side issue that don't count as far as the anti-lucky duckies crowd is concerned, which is strange, since things like the estate tax certainly do. Yet so fully does my income bracket disqualify me from full brotherhood in the United States that I am among that select group of people, including college students and government workers, who Fox News commentators have suggested should be prohibited, or at least strongly discouraged, from voting. Our insufficient hatred of the idea of higher taxes for the top ten percent is said to prove that we're ill-informed, overly emotional, and Do Not Get It. To the best of my knowledge, no Fox News commentators have ever suggested that the vote be denied to that segment of the electorate that studies have almost consistently shown to be the most spectacularly ill-informed, Fox News viewers.

The biliousness of the attacks on people like me are enough to make me wonder: do these people really think that being poor is
easy? Maybe they do. I admit that, from where I'm sitting, being Rick Perry or Lou Dobbs looks easy. But I do know that a lot of work goes into it, and who know, maybe even some stress. I used to worry every day about losing my lease and having no place to live; maybe they worry, with just the same degree of intensity, about some unimaginable cataclysm that will cause them to sell the yacht and buy their suits off the rack. And if that happens, maybe it's important to think that it's the fault of people like me, for not getting out there and busting our butts and becoming billionaires so we, too, would see teachers' unions and consumer groups and politicians who want to extend unemployment benefits as practitioners of the most insidious kind of class warfare. That's not a new term from the Fox News candy kitchen, of course; ever since the awesome shift in the size of the income gap that's the single most defining change in American life these last few decades began, the charge of "class warfare" has been thrown at everyone who's even noticed it, from such perches as The New York Times op-ed page as much as its counterpart at the WSJ. (During the 2000 presidential campaign, the Times and other outlets were accusing Al Gore of class warfare, for his "populist" rhetoric against the income gap, at the same time as self-styled "progressives" were accusing him of being a Trojan horse for Montgomery Burns and having three sixes burned into his scalp beneath his hair.)

Ronald Reagan once said that the best and most important and treasurable thing about being an American is that an American can come from anything to become fantastically rich. It's not as quotable as "Tear down this wall," but it looks to be the sentiment most deeply burned into the America he left behind, his truest legacy. Many of our mouthiest citizens see any kind of consumer protections, environment protections, worker protections, and guidelines establishing limits on how much damage you can do in the name of making money as unacceptable, criminal limitations on their ability to do the only thing they were put on earth to do, and they're more than ready to see anyone who has been less successful (and ruthless) at the financial arts than themselves as not just society's failures but morally compromised. We're bad people. I admit it: I was stupid enough to think that the 2008 economic collapse would change things, because it would force people to see that economic hardship can strike anyone, and people's attitudes towards the income gap and the inherent repulsiveness of those with less money would have to soften. Instead, it seems to have exacerbated things, creating a Soylent Green America where those who have still have theirs become increasingly hysterical in their efforts to dissociate themselves from anyone worse off than them, because the needy bastards are presumed to want to drag them down.

Of course, my naive assumptions about how hardship would produce a better America, one where people identified with their neighbors and pulled together, were based on sentimental stories about how America worked under FDR and the New Deal during the Great Depression. It's a measure of how much we've changed that, among many Republicans, including Rick Perry, it's one of their leading priorities to rewrite accepted history and establish that the New Deal was a failure and Roosevelt a bad, bad man. I'm not sure that they know what they're asking America to go back to--a time not just before Social Security and Medicare and school lunch programs, but before child labor laws? The big thing seems to be that they want Ronald Reagan--not the real Reagan, who negotiated and raised taxes and didn't completely junk the social safety net, but the one they've created from his speeches and TV commercials--to be the one true, great modern President, the one who got it right, and they have to tear down Roosevelt because, as they used to say in the Highlander movies, there can be only one.

Amity Shlaes, whose book The Forgotten Man got the ball rolling on the New Deal revisionism scam once said, “This is a time for choosing, and I’m not the first person to say that or to use that term in saying so. Reagan could afford to like FDR because, at the time, it seemed possible to keep our entitlements if we reformed them. It turns out that we can’t afford entitlements. We have to choose between Reagan and Roosevelt. You can’t just say you like both Reagan and Roosevelt.” I'm not sure I'd disagree with that last part, and it's refreshing to hear someone who'd choose Reagan come out with it. The missing part is where she forgot to say that it turns out that we can't afford entitlements if we stop asking the rich to pay their fair share in taxes, on the theory that we all benefit from a country with a guaranteed standard of decent living, rather than a Mad Max hellscape where a few people can, as Greil Marcus recently put it, become so rich that democracy becomes irrelevant. Really, I don't understand why people like Perry and Shales think things were so horrible from the time of the New Deal through the Great Society. Maybe they think the '80s were the best thing ever, but it was the period of entitlements and a strong middle class that we remember as the time of the American Century, the time that Ronald Reagan, at the start of the 1980s, claimed he wanted to bring back. Except for the fact that Social Security didn't get itself privatized, they got a better-than-rough draft of the country they seem to want during the Bush Junior years, and do they really think it turned out so great? Saying that the country we are after a decade of the blinkered, short-sighted cruelty and insularity of the Bush years is proof that we can't have entitlements is like pointing to the position blacks were in the South after years of Jim Crow laws as proof that we never should have ended slavery.

Lady Gaga Update

I was a little dissatisfied with the job I did live-blogging the MTV Awards Sunday night, even though my partner in the venture, Erik Adams, took on all the technical heavy lifting, leaving me free to just watch and type, unencumbered. If I were Lee Siegel or some asshole, I might try to argue that there's something built into the live blogging form that automatically turns writers into third-rate comedians and prevents them from having, or recording, any thoughts of a deeper nature. Since I am the asshole my mother made, I will instead allow for the possibility that I'd never done that before and just choked, and hope that I will be given the opportunity to get better at it.

My biggest regret was in not taking note of a small but interesting moment towards the end of the evening, when Lady Gaga, in male drag, delivered an elaborate spoken tribute to Britney Spears before asking her up on stage to accept an award. Gaga said something to the effect that she herself was one of many performers who wouldn't be in the business now if not for Britney, and then, once the two of them were standing side by side, she tried to kiss her, in what looked to be an evocation of the famous moment during the VMAs, many years ago, when Britney Spears and Madonna played a little tonsil hockey for the fans. Spears, who looked more like a reasonably wetogether young mother eager to put her wild days behind her--she had what Pauline Kael, in a review of a Jill Clayburgh movie, once called "that post-frazzled look"--pulled away from her and muttered something about how she'd been there, done that; Gaga looked a little embarrassed, and, still in character, tried to recover by muttering something about how the two of them were restraining themselves because "Gaga wouldn't like it." For reasons that I suspect go beyond concern about her career, Spears wants to be seen as a responsible adult now, and even though she was perfectly aware that Gaga was going somewhere pop-referential rather than somewhere steamy-sexy, she decided not to risk losing her dignity. Gaga clearly see Spears as someone who blazed a trail for pop provocateurs such as herself. But where Spears strikes me as a nice girl who just seemed to blunder into provocation as a career strategy, Gaga sees it as something to be planned and executed with a bang.

Gaga seems to want to keep the stage set in place every minute she's before us and never let a glimpse of a "real person" peep out from behind the makeup. Maybe she learned something about that, too, from Spears, who really seemed to be letting the attacks she was getting from the media get to her a few years ago. (The attacks I'm thinking of, which ranged from sneering at her personal appearance to screaming that she was the world's worst mother, tended to be overly personal, unnecessarily mean-spirited, way over-the-top, and to a very great degree just fucking deranged, so I don't blame her for taking them as badly as she liked.) I can mostly take or leave Britney's music--though I wouldn't mind seeing her give movies another try--but I applaud her for getting her act together, because I like to believe that every time she's photographed not looking as if she's on an episode of Cops, an Internet banshee somewhere drowns in its own spite. But Gaga may see her as someone who paid the price for allowing herself to be seen as vulnerable.

The thing is, there are moments--such as that failed kiss, and at the end of her opening number, when she looked beseechingly into the camera for a few seconds and didn't seem completely sure that she was pulling it off--when Gaga shows a little vulnerability herself, and if I admire her for her showmanship and flair and drive, I like her for the moments when something human shows through. It's the closest she comes to letting you see her sweat. It's one thing that sets her apart from Madonna, who made it a point to never appear vulnerable--which is part of what made her so hopeless as an actress--yet who often, especially from around the Truth or Dare tour on, has often made a point of letting you see her sweat, making it impossible to miss the effort of what she was doing. At a certain point fairly early in her career, Madonna stopped being an entertainer, someone who cared about giving pleasure to an audience, and a self-generating adulatory headline machine whose act consisted of telling you in what terms to couch the next round of celebratory media attention that would be directed her way, and looking over the actual artifacts of her thirty-odd-year career, I imagine that some of the articles and papers examining her importance as a feminist gay rights icon and political performance artist would seem even sillier now than they did when they were written, which would be very goddamn silly indeed. Gaga's act is harder to reduce to a bumper sticker, and she seems less dictatorial about demanding that she be taken serious. Which guarantees that she will be taken less seriously by a lot people, at the same time that it makes her a better performer, a richer public presence, and more of an artist.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Uh-Oh

Based on this news, I calculate that I probably died about six years ago.

Insiders, Outsiders. Upside Downers



The Daily Show did a sharp piece last night on how both Fox News and the mainstream media (I'm working from the assumption that Fox News itself would insist on that particular demarcation line) conspire to pretend that Ron Paul just isn't there. Paul gets invited to the big candidate debates, unlike, say, Buddy Roemer, but when he's there, even the moderators aren't shy about rolling their eyes at him. The there's the coverage of the Iowa straw poll, which is what has really forced this issue. In the aftermath, it was pretty common to hear anchor people say that nobody even came close to the winner, Michelle Bachmann. Well, Paul, who came in second, did rack up numbers very close to hers. That's not supposed to matter, because Rand has a reputation as a fringe candidate who can't possibly win the nomination and certainly couldn't win in a general election, just like... Michelle Bachmann.

For those of us who live deep outside the Republican nominating process, this is interesting mainly for what it reveals about the mental gymnastics that beltway media people go through in order to agree on what is and isn't normal and, by extension, what is and isn't important. First, the Iowa straw poll is a publicity stunt that caters to the red meat wing of the Republican party and has no predictive value whatsoever with regard to how things are going to shake out in the primaries. That's why it presumably doesn't make much difference how deeply and accurately its results are studied, and that's what you'll hear from media people who just got through doing blanket coverage of the pointless non-event all weekend long. Then there's the simple fact that Paul, no matter how well he does at stunts like this, can't win because he's a fringe candidate. But again, so is Bachmann, and what's more galling for many people, so are the likes of Rick Santorum, who somehow got a little extra respectful coverage for how well he did--which is to say, way behind both Paul and the now-departed Tim Pawlenty. That kind of thing is perfectly calibrated to piss off Paul voters, who, like a lot of people who'd never vote for him, actually regard their man with great affection. Say what you (or I) like about him, Ron Paul is that rare politician who is personally popular. The only conveivable circumstances iunder which Rick Santorum might be popular would be if he was the only person at the book burning rally who remembered to bring a match.

Back in 2008, when Obama was having problems because of his association with pastor Jeremiah "God damn America!" Wright, some black writers referred to people like Wright--black leaders who did heroic work during the civil rights era, only to survive into the modern era, spouting conspiracy theories and spewing anti-white racism and sounding increasingly unhinged--as the "crazy uncles" of the black community, deserving of respect for what they'd done in the past but embarrassing to have around now. In his own way, Ron Paul is the crazy uncle of the contemporary Republican party in general and Tea Pary America specifically. His ideas aren't any crazier or crueler than those given voice to by Bachmann or Rick Perry; if anything, when they talk about "austerity" carried to the point that it would eradicate the social safety net, they're appropriating the ideas he's been peddling for decades. Which is sort of the problem, because having Paul still around talking about the evils of Social Security and anti-discrimination legislation and anything that favors the rights of citizens over somebody's profit margin may remind people that it wasn't that long ago when these ideas, which some of the current Republican presidential candidates claim to subscribe to and all of them have to at least pretend to believe in, were usually regarded as the mark of cranks grinding out letters to small-time newspapers.

I regret the current popularity of these ideas, and I'm not crazy about Paul for having been their Johnny Appleseed. But the big difference between Paul and someone like Bachmann, and what keeps him relegated to the fringe more than his ideas do, is the fact that he's flesh and blood, ideologically honest, and willing to take his bad ideas to their logical extreme, no matter who might be listening. That's why he's viewed as nutty by the establishment, which can produce some real through-the-looking-glass effects, as in the clip Jon Stewart retrieved from the debate when Santorum and the Fox News moderator seemed to be sharing a get-this-crazy-guy bonding moment when Paul reminded everyone that he'd never supported the invasion of Iraq and that, eight years and no WMDs later, he's able to sleep pretty good over it. In the minds of most of the people in that room, the question wasn't whether it has ever been a mistake to support the war, but what kind of fruitcake would have passed up the chance to ride with the president of his own party on that particular train at the moment when it was the most popular thing in the county? (As Russell Baker once wrote, there are no rewards in Washington for having been right too early.)

Meanwhile, Michelle Bachmann, once regarded, with good reason, as a total nutcase and an ineffective legislator has just been happily redefined by the media establishment, not because her ideas got any saner or her legislating any more effective, but because it turns out that she has it in her to be a hack. She can dial down the fanaticism and work a crowd, turning slippery when needed and adjusting her ideological volume control depending on what kind of audience she's facing. She's a real politician, just the sort of person her Tea Party admirers have been claiming they're sick of, and because of that, the media will never pretend that she just isn't there, or protest that she shouldn't be, no matter bilge comes out of her mouth, even as she leaves Paul looking like a real straight-shooter. It's in a climate like this that someone who sees the New Deal and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 as betrayals of our nation's true values can manage to look heroic.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Knew Your Candidates: Tim Pawlenty

Tim Pawlenty's presidential campaign, she is, how-a you say, no more! It should tell you everything you need to know about Pawlenty that, when called upon to convey information about him, my hands automatically begin typing in a phony comical Italian accent, just to try to spice things up a little.

Every election season, the road is littered with carcasses of doomed also-rans who stay in the race far too long and will devote the next few years of their political lives doing whatever it takes to pay off their staggering campaign debts. Pawlenty has proven himself not of that stripe, which I guess gives him bragging rights regarding how sincerely devoted he is to fiscal responsibility. Apparently he got into this because of all the rumors that John McCain might select him as his running mate in 2008. He seems to have enjoyed the attention that got him, and may have been powerfully disheartened when it all went away, because of a silly Alaskan governor who embodies everything in Republican politics that Pawlenty must feel superior to. He leaves after a disappointing showing in the empty, geared-to-the-wingnuts publicity stunt known as the Iowa straw poll. There he to beat--he ate their dust, in fact--Michelle Bachmann, recently seen auditioning for a remake of The Song of Bernadette on the cover of Newsweek*, and lovable libertarian pinhead and racist embarrassment Ron Paul, who I recently saw on YouTube asking Ben Bernanke if he thought that gold nuggets were "money", and then getting all smug when Bernanke gave the sane answer. Having been shoved aside in favor of this fast company, Pawlenty issued this statement: "What I brought forward, I thought, was a rational, established, credible, strong record of results, based on experience governing — a two-term governor of a blue state. But I think the audience, so to speak, was looking for something different." No bitterness there!

Pawlenty's fast fade will be regarded as shocking by all those pundits, cast in the mold of the recently-deceased-but-how-could-they-tell David Broder, who have spent the last two years watching Tea Party Republicans waving their guns next to their Bachmann-eyed lobster-red faces and screaming about using Second Amendment remedies to take their country back from the illegally elected socialist Muslims and concluded that what those people desperately wanted was the chance to vote for someone rational, established, and credible. It would be a lot easier to feel Tim Pawlenty's pain if he hadn't worked so hard to get on the good side of the worst people in American by flaunting his eagerness to denounce the few good ideas he'd expressed in his career, in particular what once looked like a genuine interest in confronting the problem of climate change. (He's since decided that the whole disastrous phenomenon is a hoax, a breakthrough insight that he arrived at after consulting some polls.) Having gone that extra mile, he distinguished himself as a man who wanted to whore himself out but needed to keep just enough self-respect to remain ineffective at it. Most notably, he floated an exciting new catch phrase meant to tie Mitt Romney to Barack Obama--"Obamneycare"--before a candidates' debate, then repeatedly turned down the opportunities that the moderator, eager for some mischief to spin news stories about, gave him to use it on the air. Dishonest and uncommitted to his principles, too feckless and half-assed in his political skills to qualify as a menace, and constitutionally incapable of getting a decent haircut, he leaves the field of battle as a man undeserving of respect on any level.

*Like the previous Newsweek cover of Sarah Palin in running shorts, the Bachmann cover has inspired a great deal of loose talk to the effect that it is not only mean and exploitative and "biased" (presumably in favor of non-crazy people) but that it is sexist. The argument is that important male political figures don't get treated like this. Maybe I'm biased myself, but I kind of wonder if the real question these covers don't raise is why. in a country that is increasingly populated by impressive women in politics, the ones who get enough media attention to become household name and magazine-cover faces seem to be the ones that any rational person is going to have a hard time resisting the urge to make fun of?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Know Your Candidates: Rick Perry

By putting out the word before Thursday night's GOP presidential candidates debate that he was planning to announce his own candidacy the day of the Iowa straw poll, Texas Governor Rick Perry ensured that he would dominate the news cycle over the course of two major campaign events without having to actually participate in either. This feat sums up everything that's impressive about Perry. In any area except political symbolism, he's a moron, and, as they say, all hat and not cattle. But he knows how to sell the sizzle as if it were the steak.

Perry, who looks more like Josh Brolin playing George W. Bush that Brolin did, is the living embodiment of Terry Southern's notion of what a right-wing Texas politician ought to be. Bush, the spoiled preppy rich boy and frat house sadist who remade himself in the image of a born again good ol' boy because it was the easiest and most satisfying way he could find to set himself apart from a father who spent twelve years in the White House defining himself as America's national pantywaist, would have overtaxed the imagination of a satirist as cartoonish as Southern. Perry, who ascended to the Governorship after Junior resigned his commission to move into the Oval Office, Perry, who has wistfully indicated his desire to take the country back to 1912, before what he sees as the ruinous implementation of Social Security, Medicare, and the personal income tax, has made headlines for claiming, both proudly and inaccurately, that Texas could legally secede from the union if it had a mind to, for shooting a coyote with the big-ass gun he wants everyone to know he has on him during his morning jog, and for naming his cowboy boots "Freedom" and "Liberty". He's the real Dubya crossed with the real Chuck Norris.

With a certain kind of voter, a kind that happens to be driving the Republican party right now, this stuff is gold. A big part of its appeal is that it strikes anyone outside the cult as dopey; this makes it that much easier to turn something as trivial as an aged dumbass naming his boots into a vital tool for separating the country into "us" and "them", by indignantly demanding to know what's so funny about loving freedom and liberty so much that you want to pay tribute to these hallowed concepts with your footwear. Don't you love freedom and liberty, mister elitist big shot? Or would you rather name your Birkenstocks "Child Pornography" and "Onerous Federal Regulation"? This segment of the electorate thought it had struck gold a few years ago with Barack Obama, only to grow increasingly unhinged when it became clear that he wasn't going to play. After a brief but intense period when it was considered quite the thing to fake a seizure because Obama was signaling his terrorist sympathies but showing up at speaking engagements not wearing an American flag decal pin, Obama made it clear that his attitude towards this sort of thing was to shrug and basically say, "Shucks, I'll wear a flag decal pin if it means that much to you. Sure am glad we were able to put this to bed forever in such a simple way." It was because of this spoilsport tendency of the President's that symbolic political addicts of a certain ideological fever have had to create a whole alternate reality version of him--the frothing, wild-eyed product of pure rage who will never compromise his socialist principles in negotiations with the tempering forces across the aisle--rather than find something to object to about the real Obama, even though I'm sure that, like the people who voted for him, they could find plenty to object to if they tried. (If the real Barack Obama ever looked out the window and saw the Barack Obama they talk about on Fox News skulking about, he'd be the first one to call the Neighborhood Watch.)

Last week, Perry revved up for today's announcement by hosting a Christian lollapalooza at Houston's Reliant Stadium. The event, which was called The Response, generated some negative attention because of the presence of John Hagee, the founder and senior pastor of San Antonio's Cornerstone Church (19,000 members), who John McCain had to distance himself from in 2008 after some of Hagee's more outre views were publicized by the elitist liberal media. (Hagee has repeatedly said that, although the Catholic church is to blame for making Adolf Hitler anti-Semitic, the Holocaust was a necessary part of God's plan, because how else was he going to get all those Jews clustered together in Israel, where they need to be for the Second Coming. He has also wondered aloud of God hadn't sent Hurricane Katrina as divine retribution for New Orleans having "had a level of sin that was offensive to God.") I myself tend to think that the most ominous thing about The Response was that name, which seems to clearly indicate that Perry sees his religious beliefs, and the rock-ribbed, compassion-free political beliefs that are said to flow from them, as a response to something: the culture at large, perhaps, or the insufficiently God-fearing half of the country that never voted for his predecessor in the Texas Governor's mansion.

As Leon Wiesltier, who even at this late date is still capable of making sense whenever he sense that a great number of Christians are gathered together and may be casting funny looks at non-Christians, has written, "The most repellent aspect of The Response is its hypocritical notion of repentance. What, precisely, is Perry sorry for? He and his lot hardly believe that they are the cause of the moral decline that they deplore. They wish to rid the country of the sins of other people, of the sins of people unlike themselves. The Response is not an exercise in self-examination. It is an exercise in self-congratulation. If it were anything else, then Perry might have pondered, say, the reverence for the rich and the indifference to the poor, the contemporary Republican project of pushing a camel through the eye of a needle, and been rattled in the manner of the penitent. He might have worried, if only for a moment in the Austin night, that he is himself the cankerworm." There is something deeply self-satisfied and exclusionary about the face of Perry's and his followers' moralism, something that George Junior only showed in those special moments when he felt challenged and needed to remind everyone that, however slapdash and ill-informed and scrotum-driven his decision-making might be, his was the only vote that counted. ("Who cares what you think?")

Those of us who were around and sentient in 2000 will remember from the coverage of Bush's first presidential campaign that the Texas governor has so little to do that it's nearly a ceremonial position. That hasn't stopped Perry from running around boasting about his awesome record as a creator of jobs (there are jobs here, but for reasons that have naught to do with Rick Perry, unless we're talking about the hair-dye manufacturing sector), any more than it has caused him to reflect on anything he might have to do with the budgetary hole the state is in. It has often seemed that, besides radiating symbolic meaning, the Texas Governor's main job is to sign off on executions, and at this Perry. like his predecessor, has really gone to town, in a way you might expect from a self-righteously moralistic man with a bullying streak who thinks that God makes sure that only the most deserving people end up poor or on death row.

Anyone who actually pays attention to the criminal justice system will figure that a man who has authorized more than 200 executions will have just naturally authorized a few of people who were wrongly convicted and flat-out innocent, and there's no longer any question at all, outside of Perry's mind, that he blithely sent at least one innocent man, Cameron Todd Whitman, to his doom. Just as President Bush and his enablers fought as hard as they could to resist any investigations into what happened on September 11, 2001, figuring that if anyone has dropped the ball, that was just the kind of intel the terrorists would want us to know and be disheartened by, Perry has reacted to the truth about Whitman by trying to tamp down the lid, firing members of the Texas Forensic Science Comission who'd threatened to further investigate the matter. After all, the only good their report could have done would have been to force Perry to reconsider the way he'd done his job, and a reflective Rick Perry would amount to a violation of natural law.

During the recent budget fight, a number of Democrats and pundits pointed out that Ronald Reagan, sainted father of the modern conservative movement, would have been considered an apostate by current Republican standards because he repeatedly raised taxes to keep the economy afloat, and he still managed to preside over the creation of the modern bloated federal deficit. Such talk only infuriates true blue Republicans, who favor faith over elitist facts, and who know in their hearts that Reagan never raised taxes, whether he did or not. Grover Norquist himself will tell you that Reagan was the perfect President and original walking No-Tax Pledge, and it's like believing that Cameron Todd Whitman really torched his family: do you want to decide what you believe based on the facts, or are you going to show that you have faith? Perry is all faith, as you might expect a man in his position to be. He has said that things have gotten so bad that it's time to just put it all in God's hands; when he wrote, in the "call to prayer" that accompanied his announcement of The Response, that we need to "pray, fast, and believe... for a mighty move of God in our nation again", it sounded as if he really thinks that God will fix the economy and everything else just as soon as He's sure that the right man will be in the White House to take the credit for it. A lot of people probably think that Perry was speaking in metaphors, but those close to the Gov insist that he wouldn't know what a metaphor was if one slithered across his boot and he had to yank out his peacemaker and blow it away. Bush, who is generally thought of as a wise, Machiavellian sage compared to Perry, was also said to be a canny thinker who was only pretending to be Forrest Gump and to believe literally in this God's grace stuff because it went over so well with the rubes out there. That was before the economy tanked and the President's response was to whine that everything would be fine if we'd all just follow his lead and persist in being optimistic like a motherfucker. Bush's faith may have been more Norman Vincent Peale, while Perry's may be more along the lines of whoever's the non-Catholic equivalent of Torquemada. But they both leave you feeling that George Michael has a lot to answer for.



Back in Black



Funny Coincidences Dept.: So this thing happened to run earlier this week, and then, flipping TV channels, I just happened to be reminded that I have actually seen two movies in which Jesus comes back to Earth as a black man who winds up on death row in the racist South. Of course, there's The Green Mile, one of the director Frank Darabont's three extra-fucking-long adaptations of Stephen King, including two prison pictures and one horror flick, with even the monster movie feeling as if it had been wrung by hand from the works of Emile Zola. (I remember when, towards the end of the '90s, word spread through the literary establishment that Stephen King wasn't just some fun constructor of potboilers but a very serious writer indeed, suitable for short story gigs in the pages of The New Yorker. At the time, I got the impression that we all were supposed to get something out of this that I'm stilling waiting for.) The more obscure, somewhat quieter number is Brother John (1971), which I saw on TV when I was a kid and which I just watched again, more out of curiosity than anything else.

Brother John, which was written by Ernest Kinoy (a TV writer whose credits include episodes of Roots and its sequel and biopics about Lincoln, Edward R. Murrow, and Leadbelly) and directed by James Goldstone (The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight, They Only Kill Their Masters, Swashbuckler, Rollercoaster, When Time Ran Out, and other films that only I can remember, with a wince), stars Sidney Poitier as a mysterious stranger who turns up in a backwards-ass little Southern town that's going through convulsions over a labor dispute. Actually, he isn't a total stranger; he grew up there, but took off when he was sixteen, returning (as he does now) only when there's a death in his family. It turns out that he's been traveling around the world--even to places, like Cuba and China, where a good American simply didn't go, and most likely couldn't get into in 1971--and speaks and reads just about every language you could throw at him. How'd he learn them languages, the local racist overlords (played by Bradford Dillman and Ramon Bieri) want to know. "I listened," he says.

The only person around who's not too locked into his own self-serving, short-sighted mindset is Dillman's father, the local doctor, played by Will Geer, the folksy Yoda of this period in American movies. (Sometimes, as in John Frankenheimer's plastic-surgery nightmare Seconds and the JFK assassination-conspiracy picture Executive Action, his folksiness was used to sinister purposes, but his cracked, honeyed drawl and country-tortoise movements always seemed intended to sum up either what was best or worst about the American century.) The part of the movie I remembered best from seeing it so many years ago is his final, jailhouse conversation with Poitier, in which he points out what Poitier has too much grace to address directly--"They kinda stacked the cards against us, sending you to be born a black man in a place like this"--and agrees with him that the world is in a sorry state. What I specifically remembered was the way that the two of them communicate, in so many words, that an apocalyptic judgment day is fast approaching, which is why I sort of remembered Brother John as a horror movie. (At the very end, Goldstone tries to establish a low-budget premonition of the end of the world by showing people, including the woman Poitier is sweet on, wondering how come it's gotten so windy all of a sudden.) Now, I recognize the ending as very 1971, when every other American movie with dreams of being seen as halfway hip ended with the news that the apocalypse was coming around the next corner, or at least seemed to hope that it would.

The best thing about Brother John is simply the idea of Sidney Poitier, the superior moral example of so many well-meaning movies made in the 1960s and earlier, as the messiah. It has the potential for a movie with some wit to it, but Brother John is too sincerely troubled about the state of the world to see the funny side of anything. The picture was made at an unhappy moment in Poitier's career; thanks in no small part to him, possibilities were starting to open up for black actors in movies, but Poitier himself had gotten too locked into his image as white America's favorite black man to take advantage of them himself. Although he had anger and grace and sexiness and was not without humor himself he had come to be seen as the embodiment of the dignified black man, and dignity is something of a negative virtue in a movie star. (To his credit, at least he didn't make himself ridiculous by going out for Super Fly roles, the way that John Wayne, in the same period, tried his hand at bringing vigilante justice to the urban jungle, a la Clint Eastwood, in buckets of sludge like McQ and Brannigan.)

Brother John will likely remain an obscurity; it isn't any worse than some other seventies movies I've seen held up in recent years as under-appreciated lost classics, such as Peter Bogdanovich's Nickelodeon or Robert Aldrich's Twilight's Last Gleaming, but those were movies by recognized auteurs, with devoted champions who regard it as unthinkable that their heroes ever made a movie that just stank up the screen. If anybody ever tries to erect a cult in honor of James Goldstone, it'll be more convincing evidence that the world is coming to an end than the sight of Sidney Poitier getting a lethal injection. But in the meantime, nothing could make me happier than learning that somewhere out there is a third black-Jesus-in-dutch-with-the-law movie, just waiting to uncorked. (Well, almost nothing could make me happier. I don't keep that "Donate" button up there in the corner for show, you know.)

A Heller's Market

When I was thirteen or fourteen, I ran away from home. Since I was living on a farm in a part of Mississippi that even people in other parts of Mississippi regarded as the boonies, with no transit service and half an hour's drive from the nearest thing that could be considered a town, what this meant in practice was that I deliberately missed the school bus, then, after my mom went to work, snuck back inside the house, bagged up some groceries and a book, and went to flake out in the barn. I think my plan was to run out deep into the pasture before my mom got home and live out there, occasionally sneaking back into the house to forage for food, until I turned sixteen, at which point I must have figured my mom, being a sport, would spring for driving lessons so I could get my license and get the hell out of Dodge. Maybe I thought I was going to be Tarzan of the Cows.

Anyway, my time on the road, or in the barn, was brief, because I ate all the grapes and Cheez-Its I'd brought with me and was hungry by the time my mom came home. I probably wouldn't have spent the whole day out there, but I'd taken a book with me: Joseph Heller's Catch-22. I really got into it; it took me something like six months to finish it, not because I was dim-witted or had an active social calendar, but because every time I picked it up again, I wanted to re-read all my favorite bits before breaking new ground. Every time I picked it up after having read a little further, I had more favorite bits to re-read, so my reading experience with the book had a certain one-step-forward, two-steps-back quality. I couldn't get enough of stuff like this, from the chapter in which the hero, Yossarian, a reluctant bomber navigator in World War II, gets a temporary reprieve from combat because he's in a hospital ward that is put under a 14-day quarantine after a soldier with an undiagnosable malady screams that he "sees everything twice":

[Yossarian] was still in good health when the quarrantine period was over, and they told him again that he had to get out and go to war. Yossarian sat up in bed when he heard the bad news and shouted:

"I see everything twice!"

Pandemonium broke loose in the ward again. The specialists came running up from all directions and ringed him in a circle of scrutiny so confining he could feel the humid breath from their various noses blowing uncomfrotabky upon he different sectors of his body...

The leader of this team of doctors was a dignified, solicitous gentlemen, who held one finger up directly in front of Yossarian and demanded, "How many fingers do you see?"

"Two," said Yossarian.

"How many fingers do you see now? " asked the doctor, holding up two.

"Two," said Yossarian.

"And how many now?" asked the doctor, holding up none.

"Two," said Yossarian.

"The doctor's face wreathed with a smile. "By jove, he's right," he declared jubilantly. "He does see everything twice."

They rolled Yossarian away on a stretcher into the room with the other soldier who saw everything twice and quarantined everyone else in the ward for another fourteen days.

"I see everything twice!" the soldier who saw everything twice shouted when they rolled Yossarian in.

"I see everything twice!" Yossarian shouted back at him just as loudly, with a secret wink,

"The walls! The walls!" the other soldier cried. "Move back the walls!"

"The walls! The walls!" Yossarian cried. "Move back the walls!"

One of the doctors pretended to shove the wall back. "Is that far enough?"

The soldier who saw everything twice nodded weakly and sank back on his bed. Yossarian nodded weakly, too, eying his talented roommate with great humility and admiration. He knew he was in the presence of a master. His talented roommate was obviously a person to be studied and emulated. During the night, his talented roommate died, and Yossarian decided that he had followed him far enough.

"I see everything once!" he cried quickly.

A new group of specialists came pounding up to his bedside with their instruments to find out if it was true.

"How many fingers do you see?" asked the leader, holding up one.

"One."

"The doctor held up two fingers. "How many fingers do you see now?"

"One."

"The doctor held up ten fingers. "And how many now?"

"One."

"The doctor turned to the other doctors with amazement. "He does see everything once!" he exclaimed. "we made him all better."


The sharp-eyed will notice that this is very silly. Made me laugh, though. It's also in keeping with the tone of a book whose world is both murderously deadly and deeply silly, made all the more so on both counts by the fact that the big decisions are mostly being made by powerful people who are themselves silly to the bone. It's an idea that resonates with me, which may be why I think that, as anti-war statements go, Heller's book and Duck Soup hold up so much better than, say, Johnny Got His Gun and All Quiet on the Western Front. (The movie version of Catch-22 has its moments but sinks under the weight of the director Mike Nichols's determination to prove that he's up to the seriousness of the subject matter, which apparently mattered more to him than getting the timing right in the scenes that replicate Heller's comic ideas and dialogue. It would please me very much to blame Nichols for Alan Arkin's misconceived performance as Yossarian. Given the chance to play a true modern comic hero, a hedonist who hates and fears the prospect of death because he's so looking forward to his next good meal or roll in the hay, Arkin acts sullen, joyless, borderline catatonic, and generally behaves as if he had a migraine from the U.S. Army standing on his foot.)

I don't mean to suggest that Heller's book isn't serious, in both its intent and its effect. The gradual build to the shock of Snowden's death is pulled off very well, and I remember wanting to weep a little for Major Major, the helplessly good man who lives his life according to what his elders teach him in church and in school is proper and right and can't understand why they have contempt for him, and whose solution is to try to blot himself out of the landscape; pathetic though it sounds, at the age I was when I first read the book, I totally identified with him. And the silliness, at its best, blossoms into a genuine satirical vision, not just in Catch-22 itself but in the character of ex-PFC. Wintergreen, the busted-down mail clerk who effectively runs the army by deciding whose paperwork gets forwarded and whose gets lost.

But now that the book's fiftieth anniversary is here, articles have started popping up, trying to account for its special stature and lasting appeal, and most of the one I've seen have focused on Heller's place among American novelists of his generation, whether the book is anti-war or pro-life or anti-God or whatever. All grist for the mill, I suppose, but I think it skirts what's most important, which is simply that the book is funny, with a comic rhythm that is identifiably its own that also serves the material, and with a few big central jokes that address the concerns that Heller wanted to write about that he was able to do spins on for the whole, long length of the novel. It's the potency and freshness of the comedy that makes the book sometimes seem inspired, and that make up for the fact that, like a lot of works that seem inspired, it's not exactly a model of craft. There are two many characters, and way too many names that barely qualify as characters. The names themselves come attached to too many descriptive adjectives--every character is introduced in a flurry of them--and I will go to my grave as uncertain as I was at fourteen about whether this is meant to be a joke or if it was just a beginning novelist trying to hard to be vivid. In his essay "Some Children of the Goddess", Norman Mailer wrote of Catch-22 that "like yard goods, one could cut it anywhere. One could take out a hundred pages anywhere from the middle of Catch-22, and not even the author could be certain they were gone." I've never read a novel that so badly could have used an index. I don't think any of this really serves the book, but I also never felt that it mattered. It's not that the big scenes are so powerful or the message so radical and wise or the hero so iconic that they cancel out the flaws. It's just that the book made me laugh so hard that I was prepared to keep reading through its densest thickets in hopes of reaching something that would make me laugh that hard again.

In his recent appreciation of the book and its author, Walter Kirn, noting that Catch-22 was not an immediate hit, tips his hat to " a campaign by his editor, Robert Gottlieb, that was more sustained and multifaceted than any that would ever be attempted now, in the era of sink-or-swim publishing." Gottlieb deserves a lot of credit, but it's worth keeping in mind that Catch-22 also happened to be that rarity, a book that was before its time, but only a few years before its time, so that its author was still able to reap the rewards when the world caught up with it. Heller's black comedy about the absurdity of military life was incubated during the years that the Vietnam War were taking shape, and it burst open commercially as Americans turned against the war and embraced an absurdist view of warfare in general. Heller was the beneficiary of a timely change in American attitudes, even though the book, with its bureaucratic infighting and loyalty oaths, actually used the war as a metaphor for American civilian life, especially business life, after the war. Heller's second novel, Something Happened, which didn't come out until 1974, takes that world head on, abandoning metaphor and satiric comedy and, above all, silliness, in favor of what Kirn calls "a wildly anti-social confession full of thoughts that we all think but mustn't ever speak aloud, lingered on in a way that might well kill us," all of it " "excessive in its candor, immoderate in its attention to detail, and inexcusable in its brutality." Kirn appears to regard it as a greater book than Catch-22. With all due respect for a fine writer with am admirable sensibility, he must be out of his fucking mind.

The conventional wisdom on Heller is that, even though most of the novels he published from Something Happened on were treated as major publishing events, he was, finally, a one-book writer. Conventional Wisdom does hit the nail on the head sometimes. With Good as Gold and God Knows, he tried to get his comic mojo rolling again, with sputtering results. It wasn't that he'd lost his ability to tell a joke; it was just that, whether applying himself to the subject of literary politics or Henry Kissinger or Biblical history, he couldn't come up with a joke as good or as pertinent as the joke of Catch-22, or find as perfect a way of telling it. He also, in between his first and second novels, wrote his genuine antiwar work, the play We Bombed in New Haven. Which reeks. (I've never had the heart to pick up his 1994 "sequel" to Catch-22, Closing Time, in the same exact way that I've never had the heart to read the great Thomas Berger's The Return of Little Big Man.) But Heller did have one other great creation to his credit. It was himself, Joe Heller, the crazy hit novelist who appears interviews with Mel Brooks and stories about Heller and about his carousing with friends such as Brooks and Speed Vogel. Reviewing a collection of Paris Review interviews, Marvin Mudrick once marveled at how much more entertaining and impressive Heller came across while shooting the shit with his interviewer than one might have guessed from his bad later novels. Heller himself once responded an interviewer who told him that he'd never done anything as good as Catch-22 by snarling that a lot of other people hadn't, either. I could go to my own grave happily if I had that comeback in my pocket.

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